So everyday I stay in this city my soul dies even more. So why am I considering staying????
I am a positive person… I think so at least, and I think all my friends can vouch for that too. However a few months ago, probably 6-7 now. I joked with a friend of mine saying, ‘I think I have depression! I have all the symptoms from no desire to live right through to no interest in social or physical activities.’ Nothings changed over the last few months, I sit here trying to figure out why I am even considering staying in Cape Town when all it has done is made me depressed… I find myself throwing myself into my work simply as a distraction, to forget, to make the days pass quicker, all aiming to an ultimate goal of getting the hell out of here… 19 more weeks ultimately till I can rid myself of it.
So now the company I am contracting for loves me and has offered me a full time position here in cape town. The career driven male part of my brain gets so excited, its the perfect job, a salary increase and everything I’ve ever wanted in a job/career. The company is awesome… beyond awesome, and I want to take the job, my brain is already telling me to look for a new apartment, or why not buy a place now. I always had a dream to leave joburg to work somewhere like pixar, so I had always assumed that one day I would no longer be in joburg because of work!
My heart, my soul, my emotions, cannot help but sit uneasy… they tell me 19 weeks and this hell is over, you can pack up and get back to a life where you were happy, where your nights were filled with sleep, not unsettled thoughts of everything being wrong. I see those 19 weeks as a light at the end of a tunnel, a tunnel that keeps collapsing as I travel down it… so what do I do… what do I do??? I’m dying here slowly, and this is life, there are no second chances.. this is it, its happening right now!!
Everyone always asks, ‘how can you hate cape town so much’… Easily!! Its not home and if home is where my heart is then joburg is home. I have no desire to live in this city. The sea is cold and the beaches always infested with tourists or people. (The beach is the reason I originally moved to cape town! To have that coastal lifestyle.) The cost of living is ridiculous because there is mountain tax on everything you buy. You have to drive for miles just to get to a decent shop or restaurant. The road network is twisted just to avoid the landscape or railway line. The sun never sits high and proud in the sky, but skims across the horizon making 10am & 3pm feel like 4pm in the afternoon. The sky never releases its wrath through thunder and lightning. The summers are too hot and the winter wet & windy. People warn me on the left is a ‘dodgy’ area but on the right is nice… the division being a single road. More homeless, poor and unemployed people than I have ever seen, sleeping on every street corner or the doorway of every shop, or begging at robots. No drive-ins. No parking. No space to make a road of a decent width! No decent roads. Litter everywhere that then gets blown around with the wind! No scrooges R9 breakfast. Fashion choices for men here is terrible… I long to spend just a day in a joburg shopping mall.
That brings me to shopping malls… capetonians think joburg sucks coz all we have are shopping malls and, ‘hey look another shopping mall!’ Well in my 1.5years in CT when I ask a capetonian out to do something, guess what the most commonly suggested idea is, after drinking…. yup coffee or a movie at a freaking mall.
I suppose it all just comes down to how people see the environment around them!!
But it still leaves me with a tough choice, do I stay or do I go!!
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